


ways to say i love you

by pacificblues



Category: VIXX
Genre: M/M, check the chapters for additional warnings, drabbles in different aus kinda??
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-08-18 06:49:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8152856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pacificblues/pseuds/pacificblues
Summary: different ways vixx say i love you. comes from a 100 ways prompt





	1. Pull over let me drive for a while

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt 1: Pull over let me drive for while.  
> warnings: mentions of mental illness, hurt and comfort

Pull over, let me drive for a while

 

The sun had only just begun to set when they pulled out onto the main highway. The sky was painted with reds, yellows, and pinks, staining worn faces.The highway was nearly empty, a car passing only every now and then. Soft snores sounded in the small van, nearly drowned out by the wind from the windows and the radio. 

 

In the front seat, Hakyeon hummed quietly to the song on the radio. He had chosen to drive for the final stretch home. The six of them wanted to take a cross country trip for a week and, while it had been fun for it to just be them alone for a week, Hakyeon was beginning to regret it. He loved spending time with them and loved being with them, but it was the driving part that was starting to kill him. Exhaustion had crept into his bones early in the trip and he was just worn out. He wouldn’t dare look into a mirror, because the last time he had, he saw the dark circles under his eyes and wished them away.

 

He wasn’t tired of them. He loved all of them so much. He was tired of this trip. He was tired of getting so tired quickly. During the trip, they all wanted to go hiking and were forced to stop because of him.His back had flared up so bad, Wonshik offered to carry him back down the trail and back to the cabin. Hakyeon had denied the offer but they turned around anyways. He felt so old compared to them. Had he not kept up his health well enough? Him and Taekwoon were practically the same age, why was it only him? All of them are so young, what if they didn’t want to be with him anymore? What if they left him-

 

“Hyung.” Someone says softly, breaking him out of thought. He looks in the rearview mirror to see Sanghyuk looking at him. “Are you okay?”

 

“Aw,” Hakyeon starts, forcing himself to smile. It’s been a good week, he can’t let himself ruin it. “Look at our Hyukkie, caring about me. Of course I’m alright, why are you asking so suddenly?”

 

“I don’t know. You just look… I don’t know, tired or something.” Hyuk says looking at his hands, anywhere but Hakyeon. He doesn’t know how to tell him he looks utterly distressed about something. 

 

“I’m not.” He says, almost too forcefully, too quickly, the smile fading for a second and then reappearing moments later. 

 

People outside of them don’t see this part of Hakyeon, they don’t see his nervous habits. They don’t see how he bites his lips until they bleed when his back hurts. How he taps his fingers when he’s nervous. How he can’t sit still to save his life because he’s just so anxious about something. One time, they asked what he was so anxious about, back when they all just first started dating, when Sanghyuk was almost 20. They were all so young and dumb at the time it’s hard to believe it

it’s been almost 2 years. 

 

They didn’t mean to push it out of him. It had just happened that way. Looking back, the only way Sanghyuk can think of describing it is a wounded animal back uped into a corner. They had come home to Hakyeon crying. It wasn’t anything strange to see their leader cry. Out of everyone, he expressed his emotions, the good and the bad, the best. He always wore his heart on his sleeve for everyone to see. But this was different. This was ugly crying, sobbing, heartbreaking to even hear. When they got him to calm down, he had tried to talk to them but would just start crying all over again. They all spent all night in the living in a huge pile just holding each other, praying for some sort of answer to all this. It wasn’t until the next morning they finally got him to talk.

 

He hadn’t gone into detail. He couldn’t unless he wanted to start crying all over again. He told them about his worries for the future, his worries for his back, his worries for how people saw him and most of all, his worries for his friends and now his boyfriends. This was so new and he was scared. They were all so young, what if that got tired of him? They had all tried to reassure him that he was enough, that he didn’t need to worry so much about things like that. 

 

At the time, their words only seem to sprout more doubt in his mind. He had lashed out at them, screamed at them to not touch him. It was surprising to all of them, knowing that this wasn’t their Hakyeon. It surprised them even more when he walked out without even taking his phone. 

 

It didn’t take long to find him. He hadn’t gone far, only to the benches behind the apartment building that overlooked a city park. It was the middle of winter then and Hakyeon hadn’t brought a coat. When they found him, he let them manhandle him back inside without much fight. It was disheartening to see him like this. So when they got him inside, he let them touch him, hold him. Let them try to drown out all the demons who were swimming in his mind, laying toxic ideas. Nowadays, Hakyeon has harder time believing all of those ideas. Except for today.

 

They all knew the signs. They knew each other's habits by heart but Hakyeon’s was the easiest the pick up on. While Sanghyuk wasn’t good with words, he could point out other’s behavior quickly, letting the other’s relay that into words. But everyone else was dead to the world. They were all asleep. Internally, he was freaking out. What was he supposed to say?

 

“I’m not trying to be mean hyung, I was just pointing out that you looked tired. You’ve been driving too long. Look, your eyes are bloodshot.” Sanghyuk said, a little louder this time in hopes of someone waking up.

 

“I’m fine Sanghyuk.” He forced out, trying to keep his voice level. The pain in his back was flaring up again, the pain white hot now compared to a few minutes ago. They only had 5 more hours until they were home, he could make it. Sanghyuk shut his mouth with an audible click at his name being said by Hakyeon without any endearment.

 

“Pull over.” A new voice startled both of them. “You’ve been driving too long, you’re back hurts, doesn’t it? Pull over, let me drive for a while.”

 

“Jaehwannie, when did you wake up?” Hakyeon smiles that forced smile again and both Jaehwan and Sanghyuk can feel their hearts breaking. “Go back to sleep, we’re almost home.”   
  


“Pull the car over. I know you’re hurting hyung let me help someho-”

 

“Like I told Sanghyuk, I’m fine. You don’t need to worry about me.” He grits out. He could just admit defeat. They would expect it at this point, right? It happens so often, their eldest being to broken up and hurt. The air suddenly felt heavy and tense and suffocating. Jaehwan let out a breath of air and ran a hand through his hair. Hakyeon thought for just a moment, one glorious moment, maybe, just maybe, he would drop it.

 

“Sanghyuk.” Jaehwan rasped out, his voice lacking the usual carefree happiness it typically possessed. He looked ahead at the road, eyes drooping. “I have five boyfriends, did you know that?”

 

“Yes.” Sanghyuk says quickly, keeping Hakyeon from interrupting. He thinks he knows where this is going and their oldest needs to hear it.

 

“I love them all so much. I’m pretty sure they love me too. I thought at first it would be hard to love five people, but my oldest boyfriend taught me it wasn’t splitting it up, but sharing love. I listen to him a lot. But he always tells me not to worry. How can I not? I worry about him so much. All of us do. I hear him crying sometimes. I want to help him so much. Show him I love him. I wish he would be honest with me. With us.”

 

“Jaehwan. I said I’m fine.” Hakyeon practically whispers. Jaehwan finally looks away from the road and fixes Hakyeon with a look. Hakyeon feels tears in his eyes threatening to spill over. He knows when to admit defeat and he knows he should right now. The pain in his back hurt so much and it takes all he can to just pull the van over and put it in park. The weight in his chest has decreased slightly but the guilt he feels in this moment won’t stop coming. The sun has disappeared but the remaining light leaks out from the horizon, still coloring the sky beautifully.

 

“Please, stop lying to us.” Jaehwan reaches for Hakyeon's hands on the steering wheel and prys them off. He hadn’t even realized how tightly he was holding them. Jaehwan kissed each knuckle before reaching over and unbuckling his seatbelt. Hakyeon couldn’t stop the sob that escaped him, making him cry harder. 

 

“I’m sorry Jae- I’m so sorry- I didn’t-” he tries to talk but finds it too hard and too draining. Jaehwan lets him cry, holds his hands close to him and kisses them. Sanghyuk reaches forward and tries to give as much comfort to someone in a cramped car as he can. He settles on petting his hair since they usually helps his hyung calm down. Time passes so slowly and Hakyeon’s crying seems so loud that none of them hear Hongbin open and close his door until the driver’s door is wrenched open and scares Hakyeon, making him jump a little. 

 

“Hongbin, what are you doing?” Hakyeon says quietly, trying to wipe away his tears and hide the obvious fact he had been crying.

 

“Helping you to the backseat with me and Hyukkie. Jaehwan and Taekwoon are taking the front seats so you gotta sit somewhere, right?” Hongbin gives him a smile that’s supposed to be encouraging, but they can all see it. See how scared Hongbin is that Hakyeon is going to fight with him and force him to the back seat. He’s done it before, made him go get help, picked him up and dragged him there. He’ll do it again, even if Hakyeon hates him afterwards, Hongbin won’t let him hurt himself anymore.

 

“If you don’t want to sit with them hyung, you can always sit back here with me.” Wonshik piped up from the back. Hakyeon whirled around to see him in the back, looking at him. He hadn’t meant to wake up everyone with his problems. He should be the one to deal with them. He realized a second too late the quick movement hurt his back even more. Gritting his teeth, he slowly turned back to Hongbin and hand out his arms.

 

“Help your old hyung to the back Binnie.” He said, trying to smile a little. Hongbin readily helped him out, sighing in relief that he wasn’t going to argue. As they maneuvered to the back, Taekwoon appeared seemingly out of nowhere to help. He felt useless standing to the side. How long would it take Hakyeon to learn they we’re supposed to help each other? That’s what loved ones did. 

 

With surprising ease, they finally were able to get Hakyeon situated in the back with Wonshik, where Hakyeon immediately found a comfortable position on Wonshik’s shoulder. Being mindful of his back, Wonshik put an arm around him and kissed the top of his head.

 

After making sure everyone was in and buckled up, Jaehwan pulled back onto the highway and a heavy silence filled the car. It wasn’t the normal comfortable silence they knew and enjoyed.

 

“I’m sorry.” Hakyeon finally whispered into the silent car. They had long since rolled up the windows and turned down the radio.The whisper loud in the car and carried all the way to the front.

 

“Don’t apologize.” Taekwoon says after a few beats. “No one’s angry. We’re just… worried about you.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“You wind yourself up so tight sometimes hyung. I’m so scared one day we won’t be able to unravel you anymore. You won’t let us do it anymore.” Wonshik chokes out. He’s on the verge of breaking down. He can’t stand this anymore. During the trip, it was supposed to relax them, but it seemed to do the opposite for Hakyeon. 

 

“I’m sor-”

 

“Quit apologizing!” Hongbin says with so much force that it even scares himself. He turns around to look at Hakyeon, who's looking at him with wide eyes. He realizes in this moment how young he looks. “I can’t stand it! This isn’t your fault! Quit apologizing! We love you and want to take care of you! Is that so much to ask!”

 

“I’m-,” Hakyeon starts but catches himself, so shocked at the outburst.Taekwoon is about to turn around and scold Hongbin for being so blunt when he hears a small laugh. “Okay Hongbinnie. I’ll try.”

 

The sun had long set and the stars were starting to come out. The moon illuminated the night and cast a soft light on the surrounding landscape. The quiet that had taken over the car was more comfortable. They were they would have to talk later, but that would be later. Hakyeon was finally asleep in the back of the car and Wonshik held onto him closely, as if making sure he wasn’t going to try to slip away from them. 

 

“What are we going to do?” Jaehwan asked quietly to Taekwoon to not alert the others.

 

“I don’t know.” He answered after a while. Jaehwan’s grip on the steering wheel tightened in worry. Taekwoon reached over and grab one of them and kiss the back of his hand. 

 

“We’ll figure it out. We won’t lose him. I promise.” 

 

Jaehwan could only shake his head in agreement to the promise. It was too hard to think about the future when today was so fuzzy. They knew going into this with each other wouldn’t be easy but they loved each other. They couldn’t give up that easy. 

 


	2. it reminded me of you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this got away from me at the end and you can tell  
> warnings: n/a

It reminded me of you

It was supposed to be a quick in and out to the grocery store. Hakyeon had gotten the great idea that he wanted to cook dinner instead of ordering in, but knowing his cooking skills, they would have to order in anyways. But it was kinda cute that Hakyeon had wanted to cook but it made Taekwoon feel bad. Hakyeon was always up the earliest and come back the latest. Maybe he would help him cook. Maybe.

Somewhere in this great idea, Hakyeon had managed to rope Jaehwan and Sanghyuk into in. Jaehwan helped most likely because he knew he could get some free food out of it at the store and Sanghyuk helped probably because he wanted annoy Hakyeon. Either way, they were all taking too long at the store at it was starting to bothering the three left at home.

Taekwoon didn’t have to have everyone home like some of his boyfriends liked. Wonshik and Hakyeon were, for the lack of better word, clingy. Taekwoon didn’t hate it but sometimes, it got to be too much. He was more reserved compared to everyone else when it came to PDA or anything like that. He was just really shy when it came to kissing the others in public or holding someone’s hand. He got embarrassed so quickly he would pull away, always seeing the hurt in his boyfriend's eyes for just a second before it was replaced with something else. It had taken all of them a lot of time to figure out what was okay to do and what wasn’t.

Once, Taekwoon felt like he was being a bad boyfriend. Everyone else held hands and kissed outside while he would just get red in the face and get shy. So one day, while him and Jaehwan were out getting food, he just pushed through the embarrassment and grabbed Jaehwan's hand. He could feel the heat rising to his checks but the look on Jaehwan's face was worth it. He realized it wasn’t so bad to be so far out his comfort zone if it meant someone was there with you.

He remembers that night he apologized for being such a bad boyfriends and would try to make it up to them. He also remembers all of them telling him he wasn’t a bad boyfriend and that they understood, now, that PDA just made him uncomfortable, and asking him why he suddenly thought he was bad boyfriend? Did he forget all the nights that he stayed up for someone to return home and made them eat something before going to bed with them? Or all the times he would come to someone’s else work just to drop of a lunch or drink or a snack just cause he was thinking about them? They all knew that he loved him, he just showed it a different way than some people. 

Even after telling them that he would stop thinking about it, he still did. He found himself reaching for other’s hands when it was cold because you didn’t bring a pair of gloves, your hands are gonna fall off. He also started kissing the other’s goodbye after lunch or breakfast together just because he didn’t feel so shy about it anymore. But only on the cheek though. He didn’t hate PDA anymore, as long it was with the people he loved.

A whine from the kitchen brought him out of his thoughts. It had sounded like Wonshik and it would make sense. He was probably getting ancy from waiting so long for the three to return home. It was the weekend and they were all staying in for the first time in forever. Everyone was excited, but Wonshik even more so. He had been holed up in his studio for probably hour upon hours all week. Taekwoon had started to miss his loudness around the house. 

“They’ve been gone forever hyung. Don’t you think we should call them or something?” Wonshik asks, walking back from the kitchen and into the living room, flopping down next to Taekwoon on the couch with a loud thud. 

“I’m sure they're fine.” Taekwoon says. He really doubts anything bad has happened to them. But they have been gone awhile and Taekwoon is starting to get worried. It’s winter time and they might gets colds if they stay out too long. 

“What if they got kidnapped or something hyung?” Wonshik says and Taekwoon doesn’t know what he expected but it certainly wasn’t that. Out of the things that might have happened to them, kidnapping was the last of Taekwoon concerns. Before Taekwoon can even reply, Hongbin is walking into the room, freshly showered and wearing loose fitting sweats, comes in and plops down nearly on top of Wonshik.

“I really highly doubt someone would try to kidnap them. I mean, Hyukkie isn’t the easiest to to carry even when he’s willing.” Hongbin says matter-a-factly and Taekwoon shakes his head in agreement. Hyuk doesn’t seem like the type that would take kidnapping to willingly. 

“I know, but just, like, what if?” Wonshik practically whines and Hongbin and Taekwoon can’t help the laugh that escapes them. Wonshik always gets so whiney when he gets tired and he must be dead tired to be like this. Whatever Hongbin is going to say is interrupted by the sound of the keycode being punched in and the door opening. All of them are taking excitedly about something but Taekwoon can’t make out the words. He gets up to help them with the groceries only to find less bags than he thought and what looked like takeout in its place.

Hakyeon is the first to notice him and holds out his hands to hand him the food while he takes off his shoes. Taekwoon obediently takes the food from him and watches him struggle to take off his left shoe.

“I thought you were cooking?” Taekwoon doesn’t mean it sound rude but he’s kinda confused but also happy he doesn’t have to save Hakyeon’s cooking.

“We we’re going to but we saw something and it became a priority instead.” Jaehwan answers and he realizes both Sanghyuk and Jaehwan have extra bags in their hands that isn’t take out. “We’ll show it to you later but first let’s eat. I’m starving.”

Taekwoon can hear Sanghyuk teasing Wonshik for pouting like a baby in the living room for everyone being gone but not even coming to greet them at the door. However, he doesn’t tease him for holding his hand all the way to the dining area and hugging on him through most of the dinner. While they eat, they talk about their days. Taekwoon liked this the most. Everyone talking about what they did, where they went, how it was. He likes it because he can’t go everywhere with everyone. He’s limited and likes to make up for what he’s missed. It makes him feel at home to hear so many stories flying around.

After dinner is ate and dishes are cleaned, Hakyeon runs back into the living room to grab the bags that Sanghyuk and Jaehwan had left in there. Sanghyuk was quickly dragging everyone else to the couch where Jaehwan was already sitting. They all looked way too excited for just finding something at the store. Hakyeon cleared his throat. Hyuk and Jaehwan stand up to be beside Hakyeon.

“Okay, so we know it’s not Christmas or anyone’s birthday yet but we saw something on the way to the market.” Hakyeon starts and Taekwoon understand now why they bought the food instead of making it at home. “It’s nothing big, it’s just… you’ll see.”

Sanghyuk counts to three and they all put out what looks like sweatpants that have various prints on them and look, to be honest, godawful. Hakyeon was holding up blue sweats covered with cats of all different kinds and sizes. Jaehwan held up a pair covered in bunnies with hats on them with a orange background. Last, Sanghyuk had a pair of grey sweats filled with cartoon drawings of dogs on them. The three on the couch could only stare at the sweats in silence. 

“Well? What do you think? Aren’t they cute?” Jaehwan kept shaking the sweats he was holding to Hongbin who could only shake his head. Where had they even found these things?

“Wonshik-hyung, don’t like these? I picked out for you.” Hyuk said smiling so much his eye crinkled up. Wonshik couldn’t tell if he was really that happy about a pair of sweats.

“Woonie, you’ll really these. They’re really soft and they feel comfortable. They should be the right size but with your legs, they might be too short. But that’ll look even cuter, right?” 

“Why did you get these?” Taekwoon says before he can catch himself. It’s not that he doesn’t like them. He likes getting gifts from the others. He just wants to know.

“Well, we just um,” Hakyeon looks lost for words and Taekwoon regrets his words. The excitement he had falls into a kind of shy embarrassment. He looks at Sanghyuk and Jaehwan for some support and they look unsure too. “They were cute. And we know you all get cold and like to wear sweats a lot so we just bought. No real reason. They just reminded me of you.”

“Thank you. We love them.” Wonshik says after a few moments. Not because he doesn’t know what to say, he just doesn’t know how to put them into words. It’s not just about the sweatpants. It’s about them, all of them, always thinking of the other even when they aren’t there. It’s about how still are on each others minds and how much they all love each other. The sweatpants are silly, there is no doubt about that and he and everyone there all think that. But if Wonshik knows Hongbin and Taekwoon, he’s sure they will wear them around the house until they wear out all because they others bought them thinking about them.

“They’re… really unique, I’ve never seen a pair like them before.Thank you.” Hongbin adds with a smile and stands to kiss Jaehwan on the check. He can see the relief in his eyes when he does that and takes the pants to inspect them more. Wonshik does the same and kisses Hyuk on the lips instead, making a show of it. Hyuk tries to pull away in mock disgust, but laughs and doesn’t pull away from the arm that snakes around his waist. Taekwoon silently stands up and take the sweatpants from Hakyeon.

“What are you doing? Taekwoon, you don’t have to wear them if you don’t want to.” Hakyeon says as he follows him to the bathroom. 

“Stay here.” Is the only Taekwoon says as he closes the door, gently pushing out of the bathroom. Hakyeon just huffs in annoyance. The others have begun to make their way the bathrooms, wondering where their oldest pair ran off to.

“What happened?” Hongbin asks and Hakyeon just shrugges. Did Taekwoon really not like the pants that much? His thought are interrupted by the bathroom opening and in the doorway stood Taekwoon wearing the blue cat sweat pants. They were a little short on him but Hakyeon thought it was adorable.

“It’s so cute! Taekwoon, do you really like them that much?” Hakyeon is so excited as he runs over to Taekwoon, latching onto him and holding tight.

“They’re soft. Thank you for them.” Taekwoon says after a moment. Hongbin and Wonshik roll their eyes.

“Hyung, why do you always have to be so cool about everything. We were being cool until you had to one up us.” Hongbin grumbles. Jaehwan just shushes him and pushes him and Wonshik to go and put their on too. They both sigh but do what their told. Hakyeon can’t seem to stop hugging and kissing Taekwoon on the check but Sanghyuk pokes him in the cheek to get his attention.

“Go change. I wanna watch this new movie.” He says without much else and Hakyeon sighs but goes. 

Taekwoon knows it’s probably going to be an anime they watch and that Sanghyuk will probably fall asleep again halfway through it because they’ve tried to watch it three times before and it always happens. He knows all them but Sanghyuk will get invested in it once again because they’ve seen it so many times. He knows that they’ll all end up in a big pile on the floor and Hakyeon will complain that it’s too hot and Wonshik will probably kick someone in the night. Hongbin will more than likely be fast asleep before the title is even on the screen, only to wake up every few minute from Jaehwan complaining about the movie. Too most it’s just a quiet, boring night in, but Taekwoon doesn’t get a lot of those. So he’ll enjoy the few he has.


	3. No, it's my treat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prompt 3: no, it's my treat  
> warning: mentions of eating disorders

No no it’s my treat

Maybe it was the rain that made Jaehwan so lazy. He had just returned from work to an empty house with the only noise coming from soft pitter patter of the rain that had lingered all day in the city. It had left a grey overcast and had him yawning all day long. Taking off his shoes, and his wet socks, thanks to a puddle he hadn’t seen until too late, he made his way to the kitchen. He wanted some tea to warm up right now.

It was close to the holiday season and his boyfriends had wanted to go see their families beforehand so they could all spend some time together while they were off. Jaehwan’s family all got together almost 2 weeks ago because it was the only time they could all meet up. Everyone else meetup these past two week and while Jaehwan was happy that they got to see their families, he kinda missed all of them a lot. He hadn’t seen any of them before they left and it’s been over 3 weeks since he’s seen them. They all text still in the group chat almost everyday and that’s not but it’s not enough. He knows it’s selfish to want them home so soon so he’s kept his mouth shut on the topic. But it still feels lonely in an apartment meant for 6 to only have one person home.

The last they had talked, they said that they would be home Sunday night, spending a full week or two with their families. During the past weeks, Jaehwan had been able to distract himself with work and planning teaching for the next day but he did all of that for next week on Wednesday so he didn’t have a lot of work to do expect to catch up on dramas and wait.

He knew he should make something to eat for dinner, but he wasn’t really hungry. Every night he’s been left alone, they all ask him if he’s eating and what he’s eating. He feels like child again, like his mother is asking him, but he knows they are just asking because they care about him. Throughout the week, he’s skipped a few meals and that’s not too bad so skipping dinner tonight won’t kill him.

He meet all of them at a weird time in his life. He was in his third year of college and more or less doing okay. He wouldn’t say he was recovering from anything because that would imply that he was sick and he wasn’t. He just thought he had some bad habits that borderlined unhealthy. He couldn’t think of it any other way.

He was happy with his life when he meet his now boyfriends. He was eating better and everyday and not going to the gym as often. He limited himself to three times a week. It wasn’t hard to hide all of his ‘weird’ habits from everyone else since they all lived in different dorms, but as time went on and they would spend weekends with each other, it became slightly harder to hide how much he look at nutritional values or how much time he spent looking in the mirror. After a few months of all them just hanging out before they were even really dating, Jaehwan could feel himself slipping back into old habits, like looking at the others for too long wondering why can’t I have abs like that or why can’t I have a small face like that or why is he so much skinnier than me?

All the promises he made to himself flew out the window one night after he put in so much effort to keep them. He stopped eating as much when they went together, told them he had already eaten when he went to their houses, and started to go to the gym daily or twice a day. When they noticed he stopped spending time with them, they got worried and even more so when they saw the dark bags under his eyes and his small frame even somehow smaller.

It was a hard time for all of them, being so young and not knowing what to do and how to deal with something like this. They didn’t feel like it was their place to tell Jaehwan to do something but they also couldn’t sit there and let him starve himself to death. It wasn’t until Wonshik pulled him to the mirror and made him look, really look, at himself for the first time in a long time. He remembers him running a hand over protruding ribs and hipbones. He remembers how pale his skin looked compared to the others, how paler he was even compared to Taekwoon. Out of everything, he remembers the looks on their faces when they saw him for the first time. At first, he thought it had to be disgust, but when Hakyeon started to tear up and beg him to eat again, they told him how sorry they were and that wasn’t how a disgusted person acted right?

It took a lot of talking and working together to help Jaehwan stop hurting himself so badly, to eat again despite what he thought about his body. They told him time and time again, they liked his body and when they started dating, that they loved his body. He still has his moments of doubts where he hates his body and prays for it to just do what he wants but someone is always there to tell him how beautiful he is and how they’re so happy they have him. He might slip back into old habits, like this week, but he’s much better than what he was.

As his water boils for his tea, he goes to the living room to turn on the tv and flip through the channels. There isn’t much on but reruns of old dramas, music shows, and the news. He settles on a recent drama he’s heard has good reviews. He changes and grabs some blankets from his room and throws them all the couch and then goes into the kitchen to make his tea. Once he finishes, he settles into his blankets on the couch. It’s relaxing he thinks as he drink his tea and listens to the rain outside.

He finishes most of the tea and put the cup down and turns off the tv when he feels his eyes start to droop on their own accord. It’s barely 6 but it’s dark outside with the rain and maybe going to bed early would be good for him. He hasn’t slept well this week being by himself but right now he feels like sleeping without any problems. Just as he feels like he’s almost asleep, he hears the code being put into the door and that doesn’t make sense, who’s home?

“Jaehwan-ah?” A quiet voice says into the silent house.

“Is he even home yet?” Another voice but much deeper says this time. In his sleepy hazy, he can still recognize the voices. Taekwoon and Wonshik aren’t supposed to be home right now. Is he just imagining it?

“He’s shoes are here. He’s must be around here somewhere.” Taekwoon sounds like he’s getting closer and Jaehwan lifts his head off the couch where he was lying and sees Taekwoon just as he enters the living room. He smiles at the sight of Jaehwan, looking far too cute for someone who just woke up. “Found him.”

“What are you doing home?” Jaehwan says in lieu of a greeting.

“Wow. You sound so happy to have us back.” Wonshik deadpans as he walks in the room and flops down beside Jaehwan and his horde of blankets. He leans up to kiss him on the corner of the mouth while Jaehwan is still trying to process what’s happening.

“I am.. But you aren’t supposed to be home until Sunday.” Jaehwan says as he moves to make more room for Taekwoon who just sits on the armrest of the couch.

“We wanted to get home early. We missed you.” Wonshik snuggles closer to Jaehwan as if to emphasise his point and Taekwoon runs a hand through Jaehwan's hair, carding through all the tangles. “The others should be back tomorrow morning.”

“Tomorrow? Why?” Jaehwan was surprised. He was happy they were all going to be together again after so long but he was worried that they all did because they thought he was struggling. In the past days, he hasn’t been super consistent about responding. Hakyeon had made him video call him at least twice to make sure everything was okay. He hated that made them worry all the time but he was grateful for them.

“Like Wonshik said, we missed you.” Taekwoon says as he leans down to kiss the top of Jaehwan's head. “Have you eaten dinner already?”

“Yeah, have you two?” Jaehwan lies effortlessly. He doesn’t feel as bad as he should about it. He’s not proud of it but he also doesn’t feel ashamed. He’s gained some weight over the past few weeks so one little white lie won’t hurt him.

“Yes. In fact, my family sent so much food home with me I don’t know what to with it all.” Wonshik says, but most of it is muffled by Jaehwan’s shirt. Somehow, he’s laid down on the couch and started to snuggle into Jaehwan's stomach. They’ve always done this. Even when they just started dating, they all always would put a hand on his stomach or lay their head down on it. He didn’t like it in the beginning. He always flinched away and found a reason to leave the room. It took months before he was able to relax into the touches. Now, he finds that he craves the sweet touches. They feel like a balm on a burn, a relief he didn’t know he needed so much.

“Me too. What did you eat?” Taekwoon says, hand still lighting running through his hair making Jaehwan lean even more into the touch. He felt so relaxed now, even more so than before. He didn’t even notice how much he really need them here with him.

“Hm? Oh just some noodles.” Jaehwan mumbled out, eyes closing.

“Did you get take out?” Wonshik asks and Jaehwan furrows his eyebrows. Why are they being so curious about this?

“Yeah. The ones from down the street.” Jaehwan replies and hopes that’s the last of it.

“Where’s the container then?” Taekwoon says, hand never leaving Jaehwan’s head, now massaging it lightly.

“I threw it away already. Hongbin would get mad if I didn’t. What is this, 20 questions?” Jaehwan opens his eyes and Taekwoon is giving him a look. He can’t quite decipher it.

“You just didn’t respond in the group chat today. I was just wondering.” Taekwoon says with a shrug. His hand leaves leaves Jaehwan’s head and he moves to get up and Jaehwan knows exactly what he’s about to do and he has to stop him. He grabs onto Taekwoon’s sleeve before he can stop himself.

“Where are you going?” He asks, trying and failing to keep his voice even. He knows where he’s going, it’s obvious, the lie was obvious. He knows he shouldn’t lie to the people he loves, but sometimes it hurts him so much to look in the mirror and to look at their faces in the morning when he can’t even look at himself. He gets so wrapped up in what he needs to look like, what he wishes he looked like, he forgets himself and everyone around him.

“Jaehwannie…” Taekwoon says as he reaches out to cup Jaehwan cheek. “Why are you crying?” He asked softly. Jaehwan looked down and closed his eyes, pulling away from Taekwoon, needing but not wanting the comfort he was giving him. He was afraid he would start crying for real if he looked at them for too long. He could feel Wonshik looking at him. He had sat up for real now and was sitting beside him on the couch while Taekwoon sat to his other side. He felt so caged in. Typically, he loved being in the middle, feeling his boyfriends on both sides but right now, he wanted to be anywhere else.

“I don’t know.” He managed out. It was shaky at best.

“Jeahwan-” Wonshik started and it was too gentle, too nice, Jaehwan couldn’t stand it.

“Don’t.” He said, his voice still wobbly but stronger now. He still felt like he was going to break any minute, he had to get out of here. He got off the couch, startling both of his boyfriends. “Don’t say anything else. Welcome home but I’m going to bed.”

Before he could even make it out of the room, a pair of strong arms wrapped around him, lacing their hands together in the front, making it hard for Jaehwan to move very far. He struggled for a few moments to move but eventually gave up. He sighed. “Wonshik, let me go.”  
“No.” He said, burying his head in the crook in Jaehwan neck.

“Come on, I’m not joking Wonshik, let me go. Don’t be like this.”

“No, you don’t be like this hyung.” Jaehwan could feel his deep voice in his chest, even more so now with him so close. It nearly made him shudder. Before he could respond to that, tell him off for being rude to his hyung, he was turned around so quickly, was sure he would have fallen had it not been for Wonshik holding on to him. He wasn’t prepared for the way that Wonshik was looking at him. He didn’t know how to describe it. He looked angry, but he was holding him so gently.

“You need to talk to us. We aren’t mad at you. Please, just talk to us.”

“You don’t get it Wonshik.” He said, glaring at him as much as he could. It was hard to look in his eyes still.

“What don’t we get Jaehwan? Please, just tell us-”

“I said you don’t get it!” He pulls away from Wonshik, surprising him. “You don’t understand! I’m sick of being treated like a child! I’m so sick of being like this! I’m sick of you guys always having to check in on me! I feel so useless and selfish all the time! I’m sick of causing you all so much trouble to you guys! I hate it so much! You just don’t understand Wonshik, you don’t…” he trailed off, voice catching to much in his throat. It was hard to breathe right now and his chest felt like caving in. Hot, angry tears fell down his cheeks and he tried to wipe them off with the palms of his hands but was stopped. He was too tired from his outburst to pull away.

“Hyung,” Wonshik started, holding on to Jaehwan so carefully, like he might break at any given moment. He removed his hands from his wrists and put around Jaehwan’s waist as if he was approaching a wounded animal. Taekwoon had made his way behind Jaehwan, putting his arms loosely around him as if giving him the chance to pull away if he wanted. “Let us help you. It’ll be okay.”

“I’m just… I’m so tired. I don’t want to this anymore to you guys.” He manages out before he’s pulled close into Wonshik’s chest, head on his shoulder. He feels Taekwoon lay his head on his shoulder and he feels enclosed again but this time it isn’t as bad.

“We check on you all the time because we love you. We don’t want anything to happen to you, especially while we were gone. We just care a lot about you. I’m sorry if we made you feel like a child, that wasn't our intentions. I just know I speak for all of us when I say we can’t just let you go back to before. You’ve gotten so much better everyday and we’re so proud of you. You say that you’re useless hyung but you’re so important to us. Please just let us help you out.” Jaehwan couldn’t help the sob that escaped him and he felt arms tighten around him.

He was so worn out, so tired these past two week without anyone home. The first week had been so bad with work and the second week he was still tired from the first week so it went even worse. He typically did fine when the others left but he knew he was on the cusp of another breakdown with work and stress, he didn’t even know he had missed his boyfriends this much. He clung onto Wonshik like his life depending on it.

“I’m sorry Wonshik. I’m sorry Taekwoon. I’m so sor-” he broke off with another sob, the emotions still too raw, too real right now in the moment. They only hushed him, rubbed his back, petted his hair soothingly, telling him it was okay, it would be alright. Once he was able to calm down after what felt like hours, Taekwoon untangled himself and lead them back to the couch. Jaehwan couldn’t look them eyes, so he kept his eye down on the hands he had in lap. Wonshik and Taekwoon both had one had a piece.

“Jaehwan, did you eat at all today.” Taekwoon said, voice soft but so loud in Jaehwan’s ears. He still didn’t trust his voice so he just shook his head no. “Is this the first time you skipped meals these past two weeks?” Again, Jaehwan shook his head no.

“Do you feel like eating right now? Nothing big, just maybe something little?” Wonshik asked like his was testing the waters. Jaehwan really didn’t want to, really had the right mind to just say no. But he knew they wouldn’t let him, knew they were asking to be nice and would ask again and again until he said yes. So he just shook his up and down. He could feel, more than see, the tension leaving their bodies, happy they didn’t have to fight him on this.

“I’ll order in something, how about that? Something fresh instead of leftovers.” Taekwoon says. Jaehwan manages out an ‘okay’, testing his voice out. It’s scratchy and still raw but he can at least talk without it cracking.

“Do noodles sound okay to you?” Wonshik asks.

“Yeah. My wallet’s in the other room, let me go get it.” Jaehwan starts to get up, about to let go of the others hands, only to be pulled down before he could even get fully up.

“I’ll buy it.” Taekwoon says, pulling out his phone and dialing the number to the noodle shop down the road.

“Taekwoon,” Jaehwan starts but is cut off by him.

“No, it’s my treat.” He says, a small smile forming on his lips and Jaehwan can’t help but smile back. It’s a small thing but it still means a lot to him. He loves everyone so much. Wonshik has his arms wrapped back around Jae hwan's waist and he puts his hands on top of them.

He’s not perfect and he never will be. He will never have the perfect body he envisioned for himself all those years ago and doesn’t really it anymore, but he still tries to get it.He might not eat all the food Taekwoon orders and he might have troubles for the next few weeks but he knows he is getting better and he had people that help him. Tomorrow, he’s sure Wonshik and Taekwoon will tell the others about his relapse. It usually doesn't change how they act around him. They’re all still playful and caring and he loves them for that. He feels the most perfect when he’s with the loves of his life more than anything else.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this literally kicked my ass why am i doing this  
> feedback is very much appreciated!!!!


	4. Come here. Let me fix it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took forever. It's a little different then what I've done but.
> 
> warnings: mentions of fighting

Come here. Let me fix it.

  
The lights are too bright on his eyes and his head feels too heavy for his body. There’s a ringing in his ears that won’t go away. He can’t tell if that’s what’s causing his headache or from it. He doesn’t really know and doesn't care he just wants it to go away. He closes his eyes, chasing the sleep he just left, wanting the pain in his head to stop for just a minute. Everything is too loud right now and he just wants to sleep. The air conditioner, the TV, everything. The light that spills out from the living room into his room is too much right and it takes all he has to not just start crying from the pain in his head.

  
He can hear movement somewhere in the apartment and then he realizes where he is and he’s kinda confused. He doesn't remember how he got here, when he got here or who brought him here. Every blanket they have seem to be piled on his bed, wrapping him in some sort of cocoon. They smell nice. It’s comforting to smell their mingled scents and relaxes him just a bit.

  
He wants to get up but the weight in his head feels like he’s glued to the pillow.. He’s saved the trouble of trying to decide what to do when the door opens. He opens his eyes, just a little bit to see the doorway. Hongbin is standing there, something in his hands that Wonshik can’t make out. Hongbin must notice the slight movement on the bed because he makes his over quickly and kneels down next to the bed.

  
“Hey.” Hongbin says quietly into the room. Even in the dark, Wonshik can see the dark circles under his eyes and it pains him. He reaches out without thinking about it to Hongbin’s face and is stopped when Hongbin takes his hand in his, holding it close to the bed. “You’re awake.” Wonshik nods but he has so many questions to ask that his head hurts just thinking about it. Before he can even ask, Hongbin continues. “Sungjae called us.”

  
Those three words make him cringe inside. Sungjae had probably told them that he was fighting again in a fight he told them he wouldn’t, that the guy was throwing dirty punches, hitting Wonshik anywhere he could, and that Wonshik got the living hell beat out of him. The last one he was sure was obvious.

  
He felt a little guilty that he went behind their backs and went to the fight anyways. Only a little because win or lose, he still got paid and they needed that money right now. They all had jobs and brought in what little money they could with them but it wasn’t enough sometimes and he felt bad for it. They had gotten Sanghyuk through college with scholarships but he still had loans to pay off and Wonshik just wanted to ease the burden a little. He hit a few guys, got out some anger, and got paid to do it. He honestly didn’t see the issue with it.

  
They had asked him and Taekwoon to stop fighting so much. Hakyeon practically begged Taekwoon to stop fighting when he came home once with a out of place shoulder and a busted up face. Sanghyuk was still in college then but knew enough that he could fix up Taekwoon without too much trouble. It hurt all of them to see someone else in pain like that. It took a couple weeks but Taekwoon caved to Hakyeon’s pleads and stopped going to the inner city. Wonshik just promised to stop going as often and to the higher stake fights. He broke both of those promises soon after he made them when they were low on money and the loan bill was due. They didn’t approve and made it clear they hated them going there but the five of them were always there to patch him up if he hurt himself too much. Tonight was no different.

  
“What did he tell you?” Wonshik croaks out, voice spent and dry. Instead of answering, Hongbin simply untangled his hand from Wonshik and stood. Wonshik tries to get up but still feels like everything is too heavy. Hongbin seems to notice his dilemma because he helps roll over and sit up on the pillows surrounding him and supporting his back and neck. It feels nice.

  
“He told us you were downtown, about to get killed.” Hongin finally answered after a moment of silence. He unscrewed a water bottle and grabbed two pills from the bottle he must have brought in. He sat down next to him, careful not to jostle him too much, holding the water bottle out to him. Wonshik took it gratefully, Hongbin’s hand never leaving the bottle to help him steady it. Hongbin held out the pills, which Wonshik took without complaint. When he was finished, Hongbin took the bottle and placed it on the nightstand beside the bed. Hongbin has never been one to beat around the bush and tonight is no different. Wonshik appreciates his blunt honesty. “We got there about the time he threw your head against a wall.” The memory of it alone make Wonshik flinch and grimace, head falling back on the pillows.

  
“I’m sorry.” Wonshik whispers out, voice loud in the quiet room. Hongbin shakes his head and runs his hand through Wonshik’s hair. It feels kinda gross and he wants to shower the grim away. He doesn’t even know how long he’s been lying in bed since the fight. Hongbin didn’t say anything for a while. He was fixated on the floor it seemed. Now the guilt was starting to get to him.

  
“We were so worried.” Hongbin finally says. “How could you go back there? After we begged you not to?” Hongbin's voice sounded weak, like he was fighting with himself about the whole ordeal. They had barely gotten there in time. He knew he shouldn’t be bringing this up when Wonshik was still hurting, still recovering but he needed answers.

  
“We needed the money.” Wonshik answered, voice weak. It was a lousy excuse and they both knew it. They had been doing well enough between Hakyeon’s promotion at the store, Sanghyuk’s new job at the clinic, and Jaehwan's increased number of students he’s helping after teaching. Wonshik brought in less than both of them and hated it. When he fought, he brought in easy money. Hongbin didn’t like the answer in the slightest, hand stilling in Wonshik’s hair as he thought of what to say next. The silence stretched on, making Wonshik fidget and worry.

  
“You didn’t even tell us where you were.” Hongbin said, looking at the ground. “What would have happened if Sungjae hadn’t been there? Do you know what could have to you? To us?” He’s angry and Wonshik thinks he has every right to be so. It was selfish of him to leave without any word.

  
“Hongbin, I’m sorry. I didn’t think-,” Wonshik starts and he doesn’t know what to say next. Nothing with make it better right now.

  
“When do you.” Hongbin mumbles, almost like Wonshik wasn’t meant to hear but it makes him smile nonetheless. “Look, we’ll talk about your doubtful and stupid decisions later. I told Hakyeon I wouldn’t yell at you until after you got better.”

  
“I can hardly wait.” Wonshik retorts and it earns him a light tap on the head. Not enough to hurt, just enough to let him know Hongbin’s displeasure in the statement. The small smile on his lips tell a different story. Hongbin sighed before standing up, hand leaving Wonshik’s hair.

  
“You should get some more rest.” Hongbin said, grabbing the bottle of pills by Wonshik’s bed. Wonshik wants to but he doesn’t want Hongbin to leave. He wants him to stay with him and keep playing with hair. He knows he’s sleepy if he wants people to keep playing with hair. Typically, he’s trying to keep people from doing it. He grabs Hongbin’s wrist before he can get to far away and pouts his lips out in a way much too childish for a grown man to be doing. He doesn’t care right now.

  
“Stay here with me.” Wonshik says as cute as he can. He thinks it comes out more sleepy. “I’m cold.” He adds for good measure.

  
“I’ll get you another blanket.” Hongbin responds, turning to go get another blanket, but is stopped by Wonshik’s firm grip on his wrist.

  
“No. I want you to keep me warm.” It’s cringeworthy and Hongbin has to keep himself from doing so. He can’t help the small smile that creeps up. Wonshik looked so soft right and it took all of Hongbin’s self restraint not to give in immediately.

  
“I can go turn up the heater?” Hongbin suggested playfully, and Wonshik, manly Wonshik, whines.

  
“Hongbin…” Wonshik is full-on pouting now and Hongbin heaves a great sigh.

  
“I guess I can spare some time.” Hongbin said, acting like he’s greatly put out about it. He walks to the other side of the bed and gets under the mountain of blankets they have for Wonshik. There is still some space between and Hongbin doesn’t move closer, afraid of jostling Wonshik too quickly. Wonshik looks at him expectantly.

  
“I’m still cold.” He whines, eyes starting to droop more.

  
“Come here. Let me fix that.” Hongbin held out his arms for him. Wonshik cuddled close to him and inhaled deeply. Hongbin always smelled like antiseptic from the hospital and home. Wonshik knows Hongbin is still mad, knows they all probably still are but right now he doesn’t want to think about that talk. He knows they’ll tell him not fight and he’s afraid he’s going to cave in and promise not to. He doesn’t want to leave this. He wants to stay with them and if it means giving up his old life, he would gladly do it every time. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are appreciated :)


	5. Let me walk you home (vampire au)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this isnt editted but its done
> 
> warnings: vampires, blood drinking, attacks

Let me walk you home

The air was crisp and chilly in the night, hitting Hongbin in the face with every step that he took. He had the last shift again, which required him to close up for his coworker at the coffee shop he worked in. It had been busy most of the day, everyone and everything needing his attention. It made the trek home almost unbearable. It would have been even more so if he no one to come home to. As it was, he had 5 someones to come home to. 

He wishes sometimes he was able to get off work earlier. Coming home long past midnight each night wasn’t exactly what he liked to do but he had to do what he could to get by. The others always told him he worked too much. 

They had made plans for tonight, but Hongbin had decided to just go home instead for the evening. Over the past week, he had closed the shop up almost four times while still maintaining his normal schedule of waking up at 6 in the morning. It was starting to take its toll on him and they understood when he told them. They always understand. He isn’t like them. He doesn’t have endless energy, they don’t get tired as fast as he does, they don’t have the same sleeping patterns he has. Everyday he wonders why they choose him. They could have anyone they wanted in the city, in the world really, but they wanted him. It scared and excited him at the same time. 

It was dangerous, being alone with vampires. Hongbin can still remember the stories that his grandma used to tell him about being out late at night. She had always been suspicious of the supernatural, keeping ruins and wards on the house to keep anything out. When he lived with her, he would always be home before dark, no matter what. Since he moved out, it seems like he stays out later and later every evening. He isn’t scared of the dark, like he was as a child. 

They met, at night, almost three years ago. It was around the time of his 21st birthday and he had just moved into the neighborhood. Many grandmas, like his own, had warned him of staying out late, but his job required it. He knows he should have listened, knows he might have gotten killed, but there was thrill in staying out when for so many years he had been forced to stay inside. It was just as liberating as it was terrifying.

“You lost?” A low voice calls out to him. It jolts Hongbin from his thoughts as he looks down the dark alleyway. His feet stuttered to stop, being surprised by the unknown voice. Against his better judgement, he doesn’t keep walking away like he should. People die if they let their guard down like this. He’s seen it happen too many time before. He can hear footsteps getting closer even though he can’t see anything down the alleyway. When he tries to move, walk away from here, do anything, he knows he's trapped. He knows he messed up.

Only once had he been under control of a vampire before, nearly two years ago. His grandmother had fallen ill and Hongbin had been unable to go see her. Worry and fear ran through his mind the entire time she was sick and the longing to be by her side after all she had done for him. She had reassured him she was fine but it still wasn't enough for him. He had planned a trip, without the others knowing, to sneak away after his shift at work had ended. He had been tired from working late and from restless nights that didn’t even notice Taekwoon and Hakyeon nearby, waiting for him. In his tired state, he told them about his plan to catch a train that night and see his grandma. He tried to convince them he was okay to travel but neither of them would listen, only whispering to him sweet words to him with promises of long sleep, warm beds, and quiet. Hongbin tried to fight off the urge to go with them, the pull deep in his blood to go with them but could only hold out so long. 

He had forgotten how he got to their house and how he got to bed but when he woke sometime in the afternoon, he felt well rested and at ease. It wasn’t hard to figure they had glamoured him to stay but he couldn’t be too mad at them for it. He was sure if went to see his grandma he would just fallen asleep on the train and miss his stop. When the others woke, he had thanked them for letting him stay but warned them that glamouring him wasn’t going to become a permanent thing or he wasn’t going to be a permanent thing. All of them had readily agreed to it, understanding their boundaries.

Being glamoured at first felt light and so heavy at the same time. His body was floaty but his mind raced with every thought of how to get out here in the quickest amount of time. As the man approached, he seemed to be running out of that time.

“I asked,” the man starts again, finally coming into view. Hongbin has his eyes to the ground, trying to keep the man from increasing the glamour. Vampires can only do so much with their voices. The real power comes from looking one in the eye. “Are you lost?”

Hongbin can hear the sneer in his voice, hear the ugly tone and voice he already hates and he hasn't even looked at the man. Hongbin is able to shake his head but the glamour still has a hold of his voice.

“Well then what’s a pretty boy like you doing out in this part of town so late?” The man is close to him, so close Hongbin can feel his breath on his cheek and it reeks of cooper and something vile and rotten like death. Hongbin’s silence isn't taken well by the man who is now trying to get him to look at him. The man sighs, almost defeated and then looks around. “I guess we’re gonna have to do this the hard way then kid.”

In a blur of a moment, Hongbin is thrown into the wall of the alley, bag dropped to the ground. He vaguely registers that the back of his head hits the concrete too hard and it hurts more than anything. That is, until the man is on him, pushing to close to him, gripping at his wrist painfully, positioning them to the side of his head. Hongbin has his eyes shut, refusing to look at the vampire, praying for anything to get him off. 

“This’ll be a lot nicer for the both of us if you just open your eyes.” There it was again. The pull to want to listen and do what he said. It’s hard to fight the urge, have the willpower to say no. His screams of help from someone, anyone did no good as it was too late and no one was stupid enough to walk this late at night. It’s unfair, this power that vampires have over humans. Humans never stand a chance. As the second ticks by and the vampires words get more and more enticing, Hongbin finally truly believes this is how he is going to die. In a dark alleyway filled with grime and dirt and his dead body. There is so much he wanted to do, wanted to tell the people he loved, wanted to experience. He wanted to live. He wasn’t allowed that option right now. Right now, he just wanted this over. He just wanted to open his eyes. So he did.

He wasn't surprised to see the man before him was rough to look at, was rough around the edges. He had dark black that reminded him of Taekwoon. His heart ached at the thought of losing him, losing all of them. But all of them had to know, he was only human. He was living on a shorten time scale compared to them. Maybe that was why his future death seemed all the more bitter. He knew he didn’t have much time with them but it was already ending and it felt like only a week had passed him by.

The man looked happy that Hongbin had given in finally, forcing Hongbin to look to the side, exposing his neck to him. It felt like too much and he would have thrown up if he wasn’t pinned to the wall. He could feel tears prickling in his eyes as the vampire sunk his teeth into the soft flesh on his neck, biting deeply. When he pulled back for a moment, Hongbin heard him mutter something that sounded like an apology. Somehow, that made this all the worse. 

Before the man could taken even a full gulp of Hongbin’s blood, there was a gush of air and suddenly, Hongbin’s arms dropped, and his legs gave out in the same second. A sturdy pair of arm suddenly grabbed him before he could hit the ground, holding him upright in their chest. The man who had been on him only seconds ago was being shoved into the ground facedown by Sanghyuk, Jaehwan close by. When Hongbin looked up to see who caught him, Wonshik stood there, arms still held tight around Hongbin to ensure he doesn’t fall. Hongbin holds onto Wonshik tighter, the realisation he isn't going to die us ringing in his head.

“Hey man, what the fuck do you think you’re doing-” The man starts but stops as soon he sees Jaehwan walk into his sight of vision. Hongbin doesn’t know much about their little coven they have but from what he has gathered, they aren't something many people like to mess with. He’s only seen Jaehwan angry a few times before, but nothing like this. His face is set in stone, anger seeping out of every pore, every exhale and it frightens Hongbin, even if that anger isn't directed towards him. The man stops struggling against Sanghyuk’s arm in his back and his hand on his neck. There is still blood smeared on his lips, still some on his teeth. “Jaehwan,” he tries again, tone more friend and nervous. “What are you-”

“Shut up.” Jaehwan's cold voice cuts through the night like a knife, freezing the vampire in his place. He crouches down in front of the man on the ground, grabbing him by jaw, forcing him to look up at him. “I didn’t say you could talk.”

“I’m-” The man is interrupted again, but this time not by a voice but by hand on his jaw. Even without super hearing, Hongbin could hear the crunch of bone all the way from where he and Wonshik stood. The sickening crack made Hongbin want to throw up but the way that Wonshik held onto him tighter eased him, only if it was a little bit. Time seemed to pass slowly as the man tried to struggle free, away from both of them.

“I said,” Jaehwan says, voice harsh. “I didn’t say you could talk.” The man gets the message this time, keeping quiet. The look Jaehwan gave Sanghyuk and Wonshik was filled with hate and malice, something Hongbin was sure mirrored on all of their faces. Without another word, Sanghyuk let the man go only for him to be grabbed by Jaehwan by the throat and shoved to the wall. 

“Jaehwan-” Hongbin mumbled, words still garbled, still affected by the glamour. He knew Jaehwan had heard him by the way his head whipped around to look at Hongbin. The look he gave him wasn’t filled with the same hate and anger he had moments ago on his face but held something sad and regretful. Hongbin hated that look. “Be careful.” Hongbin decided to say. Jaehwan was the oldest one here by decades and was stronger than all of them but Hongbin couldn’t live with himself if he knew Jaehwan got hurt because of him. He couldn’t live himself if any of them got hurt because of him.

“I will be Hongbinnie.” Jaehwan says after a beat, smiling towards him like he wasn’t choking a man. He turned his attention away from Hongbin after a few seconds, looking back towards the man before he spoke again. “Sanghyuk, take Hongbin home. Wonshik you stay with me.” 

Sanghyuk is gentle with him, always has been. He takes him by the arm and out of Wonshik’s arms so easily and smoothly, Hongbin doesn't even register what's happening until they are leaving the dark alley. The cool hands on him don’t cool him enough but they provide him some comfort. Sanghyuk is leading him down street after street, taking him right and left, leaving him disoriented. 

“Sanghyuk.” Hongbin says after they had been walking for a while. His mind is still racing with everything that just happened and he can’t wrap his head around it“Can we-,” He stops, breath catching his throat, voice shaky. He can’t catch his breath quick enough.“Can we just-”

Sanghyuk seems to get the idea, slowly his pace to a complete stop. His hands never leave Hongbin, trying to calm him down. “Hongbin, it’s okay, you’re safe now, don’t-”

“He was going to kill me Sanghyuk.” Hongbin interrupts him. He feel Sanghyuk’s still for a moment. He runs his hands through his hair trying to ground himself. He barrels on before Sanghyuk can stop him. “He was going to kill me and I was going to let him. I-I didn’t know what to do, he was so strong Hyuk and I thought- I didn’t know what I thought-”

“Hongbin-”

“I don’t know what I thought I just wanted it over, and I didn’t want to die I just wanted-”

“Hongbin, stop, listen-”

“I kept thinking of all of you, how much I would miss you, how much I haven’t been able to you, oh my god, Sanghyuk, I’ve told you, any of you that I love you, god Sanghyuk I-”

“Hongbin.” Sanghyuk finally stops him and grabs his wrist, pulling his hand gently away from Hongbin’s hair that he had been gripping tightly. Sanghyuk turned Hongbin to face him, wiping some of the tears gently from his cheeks. “You’re safe now. He can’t hurt you anymore.” 

“I’m sorry. I’m-” Hongbin tried again, but broke off with a broken sob, crying in earnest now. He felt so weak in front of Sanghyuk. He doesn’t seem to mind, if the way that Sanghyuk pulls him close, allowing Hongbin to bury his face in his neck. He feels safe like this, even being on the sidewalk in the middle of the night. 

He doesn’t know how long he stands there with Sanghyuk holding him, murmuring in his ear sweet nothings. It calms him down and he doesn’t care if it’s because of a glamour or just because it’s Sanghyuk. He’s so wrapped up in Sanghyuk, he doesn’t even hear someone approaching him. He gets a small surprise when he hears someone say something louder than a whisper.

“We should get home soon. The sun will be up in a few hours.” Hongbin heard Jaehwan say not so far behind him. When he feels a hand on his back and someone nuzzle into his neck, he startles for a second but relaxes when he hears him talk again. “Are you okay?”

It was so soft, so faint but Hongbin heard it and could only shake his head yes even as tears flowed still down his face. He would be okay with them. 

“I’m sorry we got there so late. We heard screaming and thought we’d check it out just to be nosey.” Jaehwan explains. He waits for response that never comes, Hongbin still too choked up. 

“Come home with us tonight. Let us walk you home.” Sanghyuk says after a minute, pulling away to look Hongbin in the eyes. It was too raw, all of the emotions still out in the open. Hongbin could only nod. 

“Wonshik will meet us at the house.” Jaehwan says on their way home. He looks sweetly at Hongbin, like he always does when he looks at him. “Do you have work tomorrow Hongbinnie?” 

“I’m off for a few a days.” Hongbin answers, shaking his head.

“Good. You can stay with us for a few days.” Sanghyuk says, boyish grin playing on his lips. “Besides, we need to take care of that bite on your neck. I don’t want it to scar.” Sanghyuk says it so seriously, Hongbin can’t help but reach his fingers to touch it, only to have them pulled away by Sanghyuk. “Don’t touch it too much, it might bleed again.” 

Hongbin only shakes his head with a soft laugh. Walking between Jaehwan and Sanghyuk makes him feel safe. His hands are still shaking badly, even as the both of them hold them tightly like they can give him some strength. Hongbin knows the others will watch him closely in the next few weeks and months and they will probably tell him how dangerous it was for him to walk out that late at night. Even as he knows this, he can’t help but be okay with it because they just care. The worst conversation will be about the future and he’s terrified of that because this just reminded them he’s still mortal and will die before them. 

He’s so scared of the future and being left behind by them and they will outgrow him. He knows they will but right now, between the two of them, he’s fine with lying to himself to save his pride. He’s scared of so much but right now, he’s okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jesus this is mess but its my mess. comments are appreciated


End file.
